P3K-058. Jack, Sam, and Daniel decided that nobody really needed to know about the incident where Teal’c’s mere presence gave the chieftain’s daughter nightmares. Nothing could be done about it – that gold tattoo was not made to be removed – and general knowledge of the episode could hinder Teal’c’s acceptance at SGC. Since Teal’c was still writing his reports in Goa’uld, Daniel edited out mention of the girl’s nightmares in his translation.
P2C-491. They’d been kept in some kind of twisted zoo for five days before escaping, and there were only so many embarrassing details about that confinement which they were willing to put on the record. Through creative wording they managed to craft the impression that they had at least retained undergarments when, in fact, they’d spent those five days stark naked. They also developed a case of collective amnesia regarding attempts to breed Sam with Jack, Daniel, and Teal’c in turn.
Euronda. They were brutally honest for most of their reports. Jack admitted that not listening to Daniel was a “failure of leadership.” Sam confessed to having been blinded by the technology. Teal’c regretted not requiring Alar to prove himself. Daniel offered an essay detailing how SGC’s emphasis on weapons procurement practically assured that something like this would happen. All of this was SG-1 at their most honest – right up until the end, where they all omitted any mention of their strong suspicions that Alar had died trying to follow them back. They knew too well how dangerous that information could be in the wrong hands.
P9X-227. The inhabitants, an empathic and decidedly not human race known as the Glamar-ka, had a complicated five-stage test to determine if an individual was worth their ‘tutelage.’ Jack, Sam, and Teal’c didn’t even make it to the fourth stage. After the fifth stage, the Glamar-ka declared that Daniel had passed and, while Jack had not, he was permitted to remain on the planet with his mate. Sam and Teal’c returned to Earth; they informed General Hammond that Daniel was learning from the Glamar-ka and Jack was allowed to remain because he wouldn’t hear of Daniel staying alone. This was true, as far as it went, and was the version of events that made it into all of their reports.
Haight - Ashbury. (That was Jack’s name, not the official designation.) They actually got high from the air. That had to be reported. For one thing, Janet would’ve found out anyway, and for another their failure to check in remotely on time had to be explained. What they emphatically did not include was their very regrettable decision to join a yodeling karaoke contest. (This planet was likely the only place in the galaxy where yodeling and karaoke were combined.) In fact, on the way back to the stargate they quickly agreed to never mention yodeling karaoke ever again. If anyone ever asks, Teal’c plans to say he won the trophy in a bowling contest.
Five Missions After Which SG-1 Fudged the Reports
P2C-491. They’d been kept in some kind of twisted zoo for five days before escaping, and there were only so many embarrassing details about that confinement which they were willing to put on the record. Through creative wording they managed to craft the impression that they had at least retained undergarments when, in fact, they’d spent those five days stark naked. They also developed a case of collective amnesia regarding attempts to breed Sam with Jack, Daniel, and Teal’c in turn.
Euronda. They were brutally honest for most of their reports. Jack admitted that not listening to Daniel was a “failure of leadership.” Sam confessed to having been blinded by the technology. Teal’c regretted not requiring Alar to prove himself. Daniel offered an essay detailing how SGC’s emphasis on weapons procurement practically assured that something like this would happen. All of this was SG-1 at their most honest – right up until the end, where they all omitted any mention of their strong suspicions that Alar had died trying to follow them back. They knew too well how dangerous that information could be in the wrong hands.
P9X-227. The inhabitants, an empathic and decidedly not human race known as the Glamar-ka, had a complicated five-stage test to determine if an individual was worth their ‘tutelage.’ Jack, Sam, and Teal’c didn’t even make it to the fourth stage. After the fifth stage, the Glamar-ka declared that Daniel had passed and, while Jack had not, he was permitted to remain on the planet with his mate. Sam and Teal’c returned to Earth; they informed General Hammond that Daniel was learning from the Glamar-ka and Jack was allowed to remain because he wouldn’t hear of Daniel staying alone. This was true, as far as it went, and was the version of events that made it into all of their reports.
Haight - Ashbury. (That was Jack’s name, not the official designation.) They actually got high from the air. That had to be reported. For one thing, Janet would’ve found out anyway, and for another their failure to check in remotely on time had to be explained. What they emphatically did not include was their very regrettable decision to join a yodeling karaoke contest. (This planet was likely the only place in the galaxy where yodeling and karaoke were combined.) In fact, on the way back to the stargate they quickly agreed to never mention yodeling karaoke ever again. If anyone ever asks, Teal’c plans to say he won the trophy in a bowling contest.