“Five times?” Sam says. “That should be pretty easy.”
“Actually, you know, sometimes Teal’c actually causes diplomatic incidents.”
“Come on, Jack, that’s hardly fair.”
“Might not be fair, but it’s accurate.”
“That’s… beside the point. Try to focus.”
“Carter?”
“Me? Okay. Well, okay, there was the time on P7Y-812 when none of us wanted to eat the fruit they offered us in the welcoming ceremony.”
“Gah, don’t remind me. I can still smell it,” Jack says, making a face.
“Teal’c can probably still taste it,” Daniel points out. “His symbiote couldn’t protect him from that.”
“He’s a good man,” Jack says, nodding. “Okay, I’ve got one. That planet with the wild strawberry thingies. Speaking of fruit.”
“Nine-four something. That was a while ago.”
“We know where you mean, sir.”
“Teal’c recited that Jaffa nursery rhyme that was all full of blood and thunder and guts….”
“I don’t remember any guts, Jack. It was mostly symbolic as I recall.”
“Well, it symbolized that Teal’c was nobody to mess with, and that the jokers that were trying to stir up trouble had better skedaddle on home and leave the diplomacy to their elected leaders and the scary guy and his friends.”
“True,” Daniel agrees. “It was pretty fascinating, as a glimpse into Jaffa culture, I mean. Just think what childhood must have been like for Teal’c.”
“I’d really rather not.”
“Then think about how different it will be for Ry’ac’s children’s generation,” Sam offers.
“Yes.” Daniel looks at Jack thoughtfully. “They’ll be playing baseball instead of memorizing intimidating poetry.”
“Do I detect a tone?” Jack asks haughtily.
“No, no.”
“Hey, you contributed to the fund!”
“I don’t actually remember being given a choice.”
Sam clears her throat. “It’s your turn, Daniel.”
Daniel stops glaring at Jack. “Right.”
“Try to focus,” Jack says with a smirk.
Sam hides a grin.
Daniel rolls his eyes. “Okay. Okay, how’s this one? P2X-787.”
“Oh, boy,” Sam mutters, closing her eyes.
Jack looks at her. “What?”
“Doesn’t ring any bells, Jack?”
“Refresh my memory.”
“Princess Alivia.”
“Oy.”
“You tripped.”
“Yes, Daniel. I tripped.”
“And you put out your hand to catch yourself….”
“I was not aiming for her breast.”
“No,” Daniel agrees. “It was really just an example of your extraordinary hand-eye coordination. I mean, you hadn’t taken your eyes off her breasts, so it was only natural….”
“Can we move on, please?”
“I haven’t finished,” Daniel says, smiling sweetly.
Sam hides another grin.
Jack sighs and waves a hand.
“And then Teal’c saved the day, before the guards could run you through, or slice you open or whatever they had in mind. It was really quick thinking on his part.”
“Yes, it was.”
“I’ll admit I was too alarmed at the time to really appreciate it, but in retrospect….”
“Daniel.”
“The way he slapped your face. Sheer genius.”
“You done?”
“But really, it was the way he shouted at you and called you a clumsy fool that really sold it.”
“You done now?”
“Yes, thank you.”
“Carter? If you will? And need I add, I’m counting on you to raise the tone of this conversation.”
Five times Teal'c averted a diplomatic incident - Part One
“Actually, you know, sometimes Teal’c actually causes diplomatic incidents.”
“Come on, Jack, that’s hardly fair.”
“Might not be fair, but it’s accurate.”
“That’s… beside the point. Try to focus.”
“Carter?”
“Me? Okay. Well, okay, there was the time on P7Y-812 when none of us wanted to eat the fruit they offered us in the welcoming ceremony.”
“Gah, don’t remind me. I can still smell it,” Jack says, making a face.
“Teal’c can probably still taste it,” Daniel points out. “His symbiote couldn’t protect him from that.”
“He’s a good man,” Jack says, nodding. “Okay, I’ve got one. That planet with the wild strawberry thingies. Speaking of fruit.”
“Nine-four something. That was a while ago.”
“We know where you mean, sir.”
“Teal’c recited that Jaffa nursery rhyme that was all full of blood and thunder and guts….”
“I don’t remember any guts, Jack. It was mostly symbolic as I recall.”
“Well, it symbolized that Teal’c was nobody to mess with, and that the jokers that were trying to stir up trouble had better skedaddle on home and leave the diplomacy to their elected leaders and the scary guy and his friends.”
“True,” Daniel agrees. “It was pretty fascinating, as a glimpse into Jaffa culture, I mean. Just think what childhood must have been like for Teal’c.”
“I’d really rather not.”
“Then think about how different it will be for Ry’ac’s children’s generation,” Sam offers.
“Yes.” Daniel looks at Jack thoughtfully. “They’ll be playing baseball instead of memorizing intimidating poetry.”
“Do I detect a tone?” Jack asks haughtily.
“No, no.”
“Hey, you contributed to the fund!”
“I don’t actually remember being given a choice.”
Sam clears her throat. “It’s your turn, Daniel.”
Daniel stops glaring at Jack. “Right.”
“Try to focus,” Jack says with a smirk.
Sam hides a grin.
Daniel rolls his eyes. “Okay. Okay, how’s this one? P2X-787.”
“Oh, boy,” Sam mutters, closing her eyes.
Jack looks at her. “What?”
“Doesn’t ring any bells, Jack?”
“Refresh my memory.”
“Princess Alivia.”
“Oy.”
“You tripped.”
“Yes, Daniel. I tripped.”
“And you put out your hand to catch yourself….”
“I was not aiming for her breast.”
“No,” Daniel agrees. “It was really just an example of your extraordinary hand-eye coordination. I mean, you hadn’t taken your eyes off her breasts, so it was only natural….”
“Can we move on, please?”
“I haven’t finished,” Daniel says, smiling sweetly.
Sam hides another grin.
Jack sighs and waves a hand.
“And then Teal’c saved the day, before the guards could run you through, or slice you open or whatever they had in mind. It was really quick thinking on his part.”
“Yes, it was.”
“I’ll admit I was too alarmed at the time to really appreciate it, but in retrospect….”
“Daniel.”
“The way he slapped your face. Sheer genius.”
“You done?”
“But really, it was the way he shouted at you and called you a clumsy fool that really sold it.”
“You done now?”
“Yes, thank you.”
“Carter? If you will? And need I add, I’m counting on you to raise the tone of this conversation.”
“I’ll do my best, sir.”
“I have faith.”