To most people, subtle is a way of being polite. To some, it is an art form, allowing hints of ideas to dance and float within a conversation.
To Jack O’Neill, subtle is an excuse.
Jack O’Neill is a direct man, accustomed to speaking his mind. But when his mind is filled with emotions he usually finds he cannot express them in words, although he often wants to thinks he should. So he finds subtlety his only recourse, and unfortunate is the friend who is no master at reading between the lines.
*****
1. Jack didn’t know exactly what Kynthia’s cake was when she gave it to him, but he knew it meant more than food. He knew it signified some sort of emotional bond.
So when he looked at Daniel and said, You should have some. what he really meant was, I missed you while you were on Abydos. I’m sorry about your wife but I’m glad you’re here. I love having you around and getting to know you better.
2. Daniel found four languages and some elements in a crumbling building: the key to understanding everything, he’d said. It was exciting, it was wonderful, it was more important to Daniel than anything, obviously.
He told Daniel his opinion of the discovery: None of which will mean squat if we don't get out of here. But he needed Daniel to hear him say: I know this is important to you, but you are important to the SGC, and to me. And you are going to die if you stay here, and I can’t live with that.
3. Daniel got addicted to a sarcophagus. He told Hammond he resigned, and requested to go back to that woman and her drug.
Jack said, Request denied! but what he meant was, Daniel, I love you... please don’t leave me.
4. And then Daniel was dying. Stupid, stupid planet with their bomb and their radiation and Daniel was dying.
Jack sat beside the infirmary bed and said: Despite the fact that you've been a terrific pain in the ass for the last five years, I may have, might have, uh, grown to admire you a little, I think. and what he meant was: Daniel, I love you... please don’t leave me. I don’t know what I’ll do without you.
5. But Daniel did leave, but then he came back, and his memories were gone and Jack wanted so much to have his own real Daniel back but this was so much better than not having him here.
He tried to explain and hoped Daniel would remember: You were a member of my team, SG-1. You're a friend of mine. Last year, you died. And he hoped that later, someday, he could tell Daniel: You are a member of my team, and a friend, and I care about you more than I have ever been able to put into words. Daniel, you took a piece of my heart when you died, and I hope you still have it around with you somewhere. Please let me love you and take care of you, and don’t leave me again.
*****
But Daniel... Daniel is indeed a master at reading between the lines. He will gladly pretend, for Jack’s sake, that he doesn’t know how loved he is. That he doesn’t understand that Jack will do anything for him, wants to hold on and never let go, and is terrified of having to let go. He knows that Jack and strong emotions don’t mix well, so Daniel doesn’t push.
But Daniel knows that he’s not really fooling Jack. Because Jack can read between Daniel’s lines, too, and both of them are okay with the things that do not need to be spoken, but are instead expressed in touch, in glance, and in deeds.
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Date: 2009-09-28 05:26 am (UTC)To Jack O’Neill, subtle is an excuse.
Jack O’Neill is a direct man, accustomed to speaking his mind. But when his mind is filled with emotions he usually finds he cannot express them in words, although he often wants to thinks he should. So he finds subtlety his only recourse, and unfortunate is the friend who is no master at reading between the lines.
*****
1. Jack didn’t know exactly what Kynthia’s cake was when she gave it to him, but he knew it meant more than food. He knew it signified some sort of emotional bond.
So when he looked at Daniel and said,
You should have some.
what he really meant was,
I missed you while you were on Abydos. I’m sorry about your wife but I’m glad you’re here. I love having you around and getting to know you better.
2. Daniel found four languages and some elements in a crumbling building: the key to understanding everything, he’d said. It was exciting, it was wonderful, it was more important to Daniel than anything, obviously.
He told Daniel his opinion of the discovery:
None of which will mean squat if we don't get out of here.
But he needed Daniel to hear him say:
I know this is important to you, but you are important to the SGC, and to me. And you are going to die if you stay here, and I can’t live with that.
3. Daniel got addicted to a sarcophagus. He told Hammond he resigned, and requested to go back to that woman and her drug.
Jack said,
Request denied!
but what he meant was,
Daniel, I love you... please don’t leave me.
4. And then Daniel was dying. Stupid, stupid planet with their bomb and their radiation and Daniel was dying.
Jack sat beside the infirmary bed and said:
Despite the fact that you've been a terrific pain in the ass for the last five years, I may have, might have, uh, grown to admire you a little, I think.
and what he meant was:
Daniel, I love you... please don’t leave me. I don’t know what I’ll do without you.
5. But Daniel did leave, but then he came back, and his memories were gone and Jack wanted so much to have his own real Daniel back but this was so much better than not having him here.
He tried to explain and hoped Daniel would remember:
You were a member of my team, SG-1. You're a friend of mine. Last year, you died.
And he hoped that later, someday, he could tell Daniel:
You are a member of my team, and a friend, and I care about you more than I have ever been able to put into words. Daniel, you took a piece of my heart when you died, and I hope you still have it around with you somewhere. Please let me love you and take care of you, and don’t leave me again.
*****
But Daniel... Daniel is indeed a master at reading between the lines. He will gladly pretend, for Jack’s sake, that he doesn’t know how loved he is. That he doesn’t understand that Jack will do anything for him, wants to hold on and never let go, and is terrified of having to let go. He knows that Jack and strong emotions don’t mix well, so Daniel doesn’t push.
But Daniel knows that he’s not really fooling Jack. Because Jack can read between Daniel’s lines, too, and both of them are okay with the things that do not need to be spoken, but are instead expressed in touch, in glance, and in deeds.