sg_five_things | Prompt 79.01

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Prompt 79.01

Five men Daniel has loved.

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Author's notes for the next comment:

No warnings.

It's intended to read as one big story. The last one I did was a story too, and I didn't number it, but I thought this one needed the numbers to keep from being confusing. Hopefully though the placement of the numbers won't interrupt the story flow.

P.S. I love this community. :-)

(1) Daniel lost his virginity to a man named Stephen while they were on a dig together. He was toned, tanned, and brilliant, and looked at Daniel like Daniel had never been looked at before. It was like Stephen’s eyes would reflect the brilliance of the away-from-the-city-lights night sky. Daniel was seduced by all the promises made by that twinkle and fell head over heels for Stephen. He never, not for a million years, would have thought to do anything about it, except with the heat and the sand and the tents and the bonding one thing led to another, which then led to a couple weeks of really, really great sex.

Which led to Daniel realizing that sex was pretty much the best thing ever and that although he liked women, he was really, really into men.

(2) Daniel had loved Stephen. Years later he would realize that he only loved the promises, thinking foolishly that they’d be kept.

Kasuf always kept his promises.

Daniel didn’t love him like he thought he loved Stephen, of course, but he loved him like the father he’d always, always needed. Transplant Kasuf to any Western culture on Earth and you’d have someone with a hopelessly outdated mindset towards women. And Daniel, dedication to living the rest of his life on Abydos notwithstanding, was not about to adopt all Abydonian mores. Even so, Kasuf went farther than anybody in teaching Daniel how to be a man - which is why Daniel knew he would never, ever give up on Sha’re.

He had promised.

(3) And that promise was why he never, ever touched Jack. Even though one look at Jack could make him hard, even though one look from Jack could melt his heart. Even though he knew Jack felt the same way. Jack couldn’t make the first move; Daniel knew that even if he hadn’t been in love with Jack, he wouldn’t have said no, because it was Jack. And Jack would never abuse that trust and devotion.

But he did love him. Always loved him. Always would love him....

And then Sha’re died. And Daniel bricked up his heart, thinking there would be time to tear down the wall later, always later, but then Daniel died.

And then there was Jonas.

Daniel doesn’t remember, but he hated Jonas.

Daniel was dead and Jonas wasn’t, because Jonas acted like a coward, and Daniel understood enough about the galaxy and about himself to know that this didn’t mean that anything was wrong with Jonas, but that something was special about Daniel, but Daniel had died and so maybe he had earned the right to be a little indignant, and even if he was Ascended now, he wasn’t beyond this anger. Then Oma talked to Daniel and reminded him of the offering of naquadria. Daniel stopped being angry for long enough to unravel Jonas a little and take a peek into his soul. Daniel saw that it wasn’t just naquadria, it was ”sorry”. Daniel saw that Jonas had become just a little bit broken, and he would spend the rest of his life trying to fix things, doing a lot of good but always hurting under the surface because he would never be able to fix his own heart.

Daniel thought that sounded pretty familiar, and his hate vanished into the spring rain of an uninhabited planet.

(4) There were days where Jonas would smile and smile and then drop into bed with tears running down his face. And Daniel was always there, counting every tear, whispering in the ear of the man he now loved that it would, appearances always and forever to the contrary, be okay.

(5) Later, Daniel came back from the dead. And he loved Jack all over again, only this time, he was going to make it work.

He loved his father, and lost him far too soon. Sometimes he wonders what kind of man he would be if his father had lived. Sometimes he worries that he mourned his mother so much that his father’s death became a footnote. Sometimes he catches himself scratching his chin just like his dad used to do. Once he caught a whiff of familiar yet unfamiliar aftershave and in his mind he was once again sitting on his father’s lap, toying with his tie, wrapped in the scent that said ‘special occasion’, while the two of them watched his mother finish dressing for a party.

He loved his grandfather. Always. Fiercely. Even when he felt abandoned and rejected. Even when he thought Nick had cracked up. Even when Nick thought Daniel had lost his mind. Nick was his. No one else had a claim on either one of them that matched the claim they had on each other, giant aliens notwithstanding. There’s a bright star in the universe today that says to him, you have family.

He loved Father Warren at the Catholic school he attended for a year and a half when he lived with the Spauldings. Father Warren showed Daniel that he was welcome, even when Daniel knew he didn’t belong. He sat and talked comparative religion with an eleven-year-old boy and got him started learning Latin and Greek. He explained to Daniel just why twelve-year-old Sally Spaulding kept pinching him. Daniel owes his first kiss to Father Warren. Sally tasted like peppermints.

He loved Kasuf. Father of his wife, advisor to Daniel, leader of his people, practical joker extraordinaire. Kasuf was good, wise, loving, accepting, forgiving. Mocking, yes, but gently, always gently. A good companion to get drunk with, and a better companion to mourn with. Another bright star in the universe.

It’s hard to remember a time when he didn’t love Teal’c. He will always love General Hammond. He supposes that, before long, he will love Mitchell. But for some strange reason, Jack O’Neill is the one who stole his heart away and refuses to give it back.

And Daniel’s fine with that.

Fathers & Brothers

1.Melburn Jackson

Daniel remembers his father in snatches of memories that make a mosaic of the whole; the scent of a certain aftershave, ink and dust; the feel of calluses when his small hand slid against his father’s fingers; the deep sound of his father’s voice telling him stories of Ancient Egypt to lull him to sleep.

He remembers the card he had drawn when he was five for his father’s birthday; the care and attention given to each letter formed to spell out simply; ‘I love you, Daddy.’

Daniel leaves the briefing about the virtual game and heads to his office. He picks up one of his father’s journals and opens it to touch the creased card; the words of love that his father had long ago saved and tucked within the worn pages.

2.Nicholas Ballard

The sanatorium sends Nick’s things a few weeks after his Grandfather takes up residence with the Giant Aliens. Daniel is recovering from appendix surgery, the rest of his team are hopefully somewhere off-world waiting for the Earth gate to be fixed rather than at the bottom of the ocean, and he’s grumpy.

One box takes Daniel by surprise. It’s filled with news of him; articles he published, announcements of his lectures, reviews of his work. Each one lovingly captured in protective plastic with notations on dates, locations or journals scrawled in Nick’s loose hand-writing on labels.

Nick had told him he was proud of him but somehow the box is proof that Daniel treasures.

3.Jack O’Neill

He’s never really sure when he started to love Jack but then Daniel’s never really sure when they slipped into the bond they share that somehow transcends even the closeness of SG1. There are still times in the heat of temper when he wonders that they are friends.

Daniel looks across the cargo bay where Jack is working on the rings, making them into something only he knows. Daniel’s all too aware that even if their efforts save Earth, Jack may not survive with the Ancient knowledge in his mind. His chest is tight with the agony of the potential loss ahead of him. He has no idea how Jack found the strength to let him Ascend; Daniel can’t face losing him.

‘Jack.’ Daniel pauses, unsure what to say; how to say it. He’s supposed to be gifted with words and yet he can’t find any.

Jack lifts his head and his eyes meet Daniel’s and suddenly, Daniel knows he doesn’t need to say anything at all.

4.Teal’c

He should hate him. And Daniel did for a while before time found him understanding the Jaffa more and their team bond eroded the hurt that was left. Maybe hate surfaced again briefly when Teal’c fired the shot that killed Sha’re but it didn’t last as long as the hate Daniel felt for himself for never saving her.

They’ve had years of friendship and camaraderie but Daniel’s still surprised at the strength of his love for Teal’c as he promises the broken Jaffa, worn by so many defeats in the relentless game, that he’s real; that he’s there to help him, to fight beside him; that they’ll win the game.

Teal’c’s hand grips tightly as he clasps Daniel’s forearm and Daniel responds by clasping Teal’c’s with equal force. They’re in it together to the end.

5.General Hammond

Daniel hated losing Hammond’s presence at the SGC. There was something just so reassuring about having Hammond at the helm and something so unsettling when he was no longer there. Daniel has never gotten used to seeing someone else in Hammond’s place; not Weir, not Landry, not even Jack.

He tries to recall as he stands beside Sam at the funeral whether he had ever told General Hammond just how much he had admired him; how much his leadership had shaped Daniel in ways that he hadn’t even realised; how much he had appreciated the paternal love and care the General had lavished on SG1; how much he missed him.

As the shots are fired and the fly-by screams overhead, Daniel misses him again and silently wishes him Godspeed with quiet love.

Set after Season 10. Spoilers throughout the series. Mention of canon character death. G-rated.

Melburn Jackson - Like many little boys, Daniel grew up thinking his father knew everything, could do anything, was invincible and immortal. He loved his father dearly and wanted to be just like him when he grew up--perfect and strong. Most little boys get the chance to let go of that notion slowly, gradually, as they grow to understand their fathers are fallible human beings like everyone else. Daniel never had the luxury of looking at his father through the lens of his own maturity. He was only eight when he learned with sudden and appalling finality that his father was not only fallible, but made of the same fragile flesh as any other human.

Dr. Jordan- When he began his studies in Chicago, Daniel had found a kindred spirit in his professor, Dr. Jordan. A constant quest for knowledge, a love of learning for its own sake, a resistance to taking any theory as a 'given' no matter how long it had been accepted as fact--the two men had this in common and more. Dr. Jordan had been Daniel's mentor for two of his doctorates and there was a bond between them that didn't exist with any of Dr. Jordan's other students. Dr. Jordan was everything his grandfather could have been--should have been--but wasn't.

Kasuf - Daniel respected the wisdom his father-in-law displayed as leader of the people of Abydos. Kasuf also had treated him like an equal, as though Daniel had been a man of stature among the Tau'ri. Daniel tried to disabuse Kasuf of that notion, but to no avail as his Good Father would invariably smile and point to Daniel's role in the triumph over Ra as all the proof needed to establish Daniel's credentials. But it was thanks to Kasuf that Daniel's wife, Sha'uri, had had the knowledge essential for the overthrow to succeed. In a society where women were not valued as highly as men, making a daughter a fitting gift for a stranger, Kasuf had treated Sha'uri like a son in many ways, giving her the same education afforded to her brother Skaara. As far as Daniel was concerned, it had been Kasuf's indulgence of a beloved daughter that had won the freedom of Abydos.

Skaara - Although his exile on Abydos had been self-imposed, there were times when Daniel had been overcome by home-sickness. Skaara's buoyant spirit and unflagging optimism had helped Daniel immensely. He greatly appreciated it when his brother-in-law went out of his way to cheer him up. He also found himself in the unaccustomed position of being the subject of hero worship by Skaara and some of the other young men which he didn't quite know how to deal with. When he tried to convince Skaara that there must be much better role models, the young man would laugh and say that such humility proved that Daniel was the best choice.

(continued below)

Edited 2009-09-14 23:34 (UTC)

(continued from above)

General Hammond - Widower. Grandfather. General. George Hammond had been one hell of a man. Initially clashing with him, Daniel had quickly discarded his assessment of Hammond as military hard-ass and Hammond had dropped his assumption of Daniel as loose cannon. The men had found a mutual respect and built a relationship that brought out the general's paternal side. Daniel had never told Hammond how much it touched him every time Hammond had called him "son" and now he never could. It seemed so unfair that after surviving an active career unscathed, it was a heart attack that had taken Hammond out.

Just one more name on the long list of loved ones that Daniel had outlived.

He shifted restlessly on his back, pushing the covers down to his waist and plumping his pillow, trying to fill his mind with thoughts of his current comfort instead of recalling today's funeral, but it was no use. As they had all night, General Hammond's memorial service then the interment ceremony at Arlington replayed themselves inside his head. Sighing, he rolled onto his side, pulling his knees up and tucking one hand under his pillow.

The sheets rustled behind him and he felt the mattress dip as Jack moved to spoon up behind him. Daniel felt the brief touch of Jack's lips against the nape of his neck as Jack's arm came around him. Threading his fingers through Jack's, he pressed their clasped hands to his heart for a moment then relaxed his muscles to let them rest on the bed, still entwined. Jack's body was in full contact with his from calf to thigh to back to neck. Daniel could already feel the heat accumulating, the slide of sweat in the creases of his joints. The discomfort would be worth it, though, to be wrapped up in Jack.

In a couple of hours the alarm would go off. In a couple of hours it would be time for Jack to go back to the Pentagon and for Daniel to fly back to the mountain. For now, Daniel immersed himself in the embrace and sent out a plea to whatever higher power might actually exist that there never come a day when he lay in bed alone and added Jack's name to the list.

Finis

1. His father had been tall, Daniel remembered, taller than his mother, or even his grandfather. He had long hair that flopped over onto the round glasses covering his eyes and lightly calloused fingers that were almost always wrapped around the pages of a book, or his own small hand. He had a soft voice that told the best stories, tales of the gods and their control over the mortals beneath them. And Daniel had loved him, fiercely.

This love had grown intensely over the years, following him through his adolescence and fervent higher education. But now, as he looked at his own floppy haired, bespectacled image in the mirror, he wondered if it his father, or simply the idea of him, that he loved more.

2. It was in college that a boy first caught Daniel’s eye. He wasn’t beautiful, or handsome in any traditional sense, but Daniel found him intoxicating all the same. He was an English major who had taken the class on Archaeological Practice on a lark and, at first glance, appeared the kind of student who sat, laconic and disinterested, at the back of the class. It was several weeks into the semester, however, that he spoke up, shattering this illusion and capturing Daniel’s attention.

He had little patience for the reverential manner in which the professor the discussed the crumbling artefacts, and even less for his eager would-be-protégées, Daniel amongst them. Yet he spoke with a practiced voice which, if not exactly passionate about the subject matter, was clear, informed, and well used to being agreed with.

His words, so casually confident, infuriated the ever-careful Daniel. But the glee in his eyes whenever he entered into any debate entranced him. Daniel was fixated on his face, his voice, his impertinent but intelligent arguments. He loved him beyond reason or control.

It was the only class in which Daniel ever received a B.

3. Daniel was a talented linguist, speaking many languages with ease. Over the past few years, he had added yet one more language to his repertoire: that of scorn and derision. It was an easy one to learn, Daniel had discovered, it had been clearly visible in the eyes of all his peers as they pushed him and his theories out of the academic world.

His new position at the SGC had been his unexpected salvation. No longer a lone scholar, he found support among those whose theories would have damned them also. But, most unexpected of all, was the support he found in his friends and co-workers. Years of reporting in to sneering advisors and grant boards washed over with each briefing. And bit by bit, looking into the clear and encouraging eyes of General Hammond he slowly lost words from that bruised and battered vocabulary.

He had almost forgotten what it was like to love his work, to love his peers, his family. But the inherent trust Hammond placed him did more than he would ever know to restore him.

4. He was everything Daniel hated: aggressive, rude, and disdainful of academics. There was, quite simply no one more capable of completely irritating him, no one who could get under his skin and incense him, more than Jack O’Neill. They had a language totally unto themselves; a back and forth comprised of taunting jabs and scornful silences. One word, a gesture, a look – that was all it took to cause his blood to boil and his temper to flair.

But from the very first time he had laid eyes on him, he knew that he had lost all ability to leave him.

5. His foster father hadn’t been tall; Daniel had towered over him early in his teens. He was a tidy man, favouring a short, cropped hairstyle and the cleaner look of contacts. He wasn’t terribly imaginative, his job as an accountant lending a frank and straight-forward air to his entire being. He was as different from Daniel’s father as it was possible to be.

And yet he was kind, and encouraged Daniel to follow his own dreams. He worked hard to give the young boy a home, one filled with books and paper and love. He could never replace Daniel’s father, but then, he had never tried to. And for this, Daniel loved him all the more.

Sally tasted like peppermints.

What a great sentence.

Ohhh... how heartbreakingly beautiful.

I really love #3 - I think it's such a wonderful description of the characters.

Oh wow... I think I rather love the 3-4 transition of hate to love for Jonas. I have a special love for Jonas Quinn.

It's a pity I'm not a J/D shipper, 'cause, yeah, then the mush would really get me with this piece. :P

There’s a bright star in the universe today that says to him, you have family.

Uh. That line gets me. Because, yeah, family is family, no matter what.

Thanks :-)

I too love Jonas - I think it's too bad he gets mostly ignored in fanfic (or maybe I just haven't found the right archives/communities) because he really was a great character. I thought of him for this because I could see how Daniel would have a connection of some sort to him, whether bad or good.

I really like this. I can't pick a favourite, they're all so... yeah. Just, kinda quietly sweet and a little sad but also a little hopeful.

Yes, there needs to be more Jonas-fic. And it annoys me to no end that the show just put the fate of his world into a single line. This was Jonas Quinn member of SG-1. You would expect more would have gone into his fate, y'know?

I haven't seen that part of the show yet (I have, however, read about what happened to his planet). But yeah, that sounds kinda not so great.

thanks! I'm glad to hear that you like 3, I was't so sure about that one.

I just love all of this - but I think my favourite bit was the image of Daniel and his father watching his mother get ready: the scent, the touch, everything, beautiful.

Wonderful! I love the idea of Daniel having his father's field journals - and then to have the card inside!

I paricularly liked your Hammond one - I did Hammond as well, but couldn't get it to sit right - yours was just perfect.

Daniel never had the luxury of looking at his father through the lens of his own maturity. He was only eight when he learned with sudden and appalling finality that his father was not only fallible, but made of the same fragile flesh as any other human.

So beautiful, and so heartbreaking at the same time!

I think I read about it before I saw that episode, and yeah... mostly I just like that I've encountered at least three fics that offer a rescue for our dear Jonas. It gives me hope for more out there.

Thank you! :-)

Yep, always and forever. I'm glad that part touched you.

I could see it so clearly when I was writing it, so I'm really glad to know that it came across for you. :-)

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Prompt 79.01

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Five men Daniel has loved

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