(1) Daniel lost his virginity to a man named Stephen while they were on a dig together. He was toned, tanned, and brilliant, and looked at Daniel like Daniel had never been looked at before. It was like Stephen’s eyes would reflect the brilliance of the away-from-the-city-lights night sky. Daniel was seduced by all the promises made by that twinkle and fell head over heels for Stephen. He never, not for a million years, would have thought to do anything about it, except with the heat and the sand and the tents and the bonding one thing led to another, which then led to a couple weeks of really, really great sex.
Which led to Daniel realizing that sex was pretty much the best thing ever and that although he liked women, he was really, really into men.
(2) Daniel had loved Stephen. Years later he would realize that he only loved the promises, thinking foolishly that they’d be kept.
Kasuf always kept his promises.
Daniel didn’t love him like he thought he loved Stephen, of course, but he loved him like the father he’d always, always needed. Transplant Kasuf to any Western culture on Earth and you’d have someone with a hopelessly outdated mindset towards women. And Daniel, dedication to living the rest of his life on Abydos notwithstanding, was not about to adopt all Abydonian mores. Even so, Kasuf went farther than anybody in teaching Daniel how to be a man - which is why Daniel knew he would never, ever give up on Sha’re.
He had promised.
(3) And that promise was why he never, ever touched Jack. Even though one look at Jack could make him hard, even though one look from Jack could melt his heart. Even though he knew Jack felt the same way. Jack couldn’t make the first move; Daniel knew that even if he hadn’t been in love with Jack, he wouldn’t have said no, because it was Jack. And Jack would never abuse that trust and devotion.
But he did love him. Always loved him. Always would love him....
And then Sha’re died. And Daniel bricked up his heart, thinking there would be time to tear down the wall later, always later, but then Daniel died.
And then there was Jonas.
Daniel doesn’t remember, but he hated Jonas.
Daniel was dead and Jonas wasn’t, because Jonas acted like a coward, and Daniel understood enough about the galaxy and about himself to know that this didn’t mean that anything was wrong with Jonas, but that something was special about Daniel, but Daniel had died and so maybe he had earned the right to be a little indignant, and even if he was Ascended now, he wasn’t beyond this anger. Then Oma talked to Daniel and reminded him of the offering of naquadria. Daniel stopped being angry for long enough to unravel Jonas a little and take a peek into his soul. Daniel saw that it wasn’t just naquadria, it was ”sorry”. Daniel saw that Jonas had become just a little bit broken, and he would spend the rest of his life trying to fix things, doing a lot of good but always hurting under the surface because he would never be able to fix his own heart.
Daniel thought that sounded pretty familiar, and his hate vanished into the spring rain of an uninhabited planet.
(4) There were days where Jonas would smile and smile and then drop into bed with tears running down his face. And Daniel was always there, counting every tear, whispering in the ear of the man he now loved that it would, appearances always and forever to the contrary, be okay.
(5) Later, Daniel came back from the dead. And he loved Jack all over again, only this time, he was going to make it work.
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Date: 2009-09-06 07:13 pm (UTC)Which led to Daniel realizing that sex was pretty much the best thing ever and that although he liked women, he was really, really into men.
(2) Daniel had loved Stephen. Years later he would realize that he only loved the promises, thinking foolishly that they’d be kept.
Kasuf always kept his promises.
Daniel didn’t love him like he thought he loved Stephen, of course, but he loved him like the father he’d always, always needed. Transplant Kasuf to any Western culture on Earth and you’d have someone with a hopelessly outdated mindset towards women. And Daniel, dedication to living the rest of his life on Abydos notwithstanding, was not about to adopt all Abydonian mores. Even so, Kasuf went farther than anybody in teaching Daniel how to be a man - which is why Daniel knew he would never, ever give up on Sha’re.
He had promised.
(3) And that promise was why he never, ever touched Jack. Even though one look at Jack could make him hard, even though one look from Jack could melt his heart. Even though he knew Jack felt the same way. Jack couldn’t make the first move; Daniel knew that even if he hadn’t been in love with Jack, he wouldn’t have said no, because it was Jack. And Jack would never abuse that trust and devotion.
But he did love him. Always loved him. Always would love him....
And then Sha’re died. And Daniel bricked up his heart, thinking there would be time to tear down the wall later, always later, but then Daniel died.
And then there was Jonas.
Daniel doesn’t remember, but he hated Jonas.
Daniel was dead and Jonas wasn’t, because Jonas acted like a coward, and Daniel understood enough about the galaxy and about himself to know that this didn’t mean that anything was wrong with Jonas, but that something was special about Daniel, but Daniel had died and so maybe he had earned the right to be a little indignant, and even if he was Ascended now, he wasn’t beyond this anger. Then Oma talked to Daniel and reminded him of the offering of naquadria. Daniel stopped being angry for long enough to unravel Jonas a little and take a peek into his soul. Daniel saw that it wasn’t just naquadria, it was ”sorry”. Daniel saw that Jonas had become just a little bit broken, and he would spend the rest of his life trying to fix things, doing a lot of good but always hurting under the surface because he would never be able to fix his own heart.
Daniel thought that sounded pretty familiar, and his hate vanished into the spring rain of an uninhabited planet.
(4) There were days where Jonas would smile and smile and then drop into bed with tears running down his face. And Daniel was always there, counting every tear, whispering in the ear of the man he now loved that it would, appearances always and forever to the contrary, be okay.
(5) Later, Daniel came back from the dead. And he loved Jack all over again, only this time, he was going to make it work.